God's Promise
Photo-A-Day #1645

God’s Promise. Lyrics by Woody Guthrie. Music by Ellis Paul

I didn’t promise you skies painted blue
Not all colored flowers all your days through
I didn’t promise you, sun with no rain
Joys without sorrows, peace without pain.

All that I promise is strength for this day,
Rest for my worker, and light on your way.
I give you truth when you need it, my help from above,
Undying friendship, my unfailing love.

As a Dad one of the hardest things to deal with is seeing pain in your family. If I can keep my family out of harms way I will try my hardest to keep them safe. However sometimes things are completely out of our control.

On July 4th Allison and I were overjoyed to find out that we were pregnant again. We had been trying for a while and seeing a positive pregnancy test was wonderful.

Fast forward a few months to September 11. On September 11, I was on a flight home from London as Allison received some very difficult news at an ultrasound. While it was unavoidable that I could not be there I do feel major guilt for not being with her as she went from that one ultrasound to another with a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist . The initial ultrasound showed a cystic hygroma, a collection of fluid at the base of the baby’s neck. However that specialist was not able to give her much more information until she had an amnio done.

At those appointments the doctor told Allison that he thought that the baby may have Turner’s Syndrome, a condition in which the fetus only has one sex chromosome (XO as opposed to XX or XY). In that case if the baby made it to term, she would have a high likelihood of cardiac issues or kidney issues, most likely have fertility issues and probably be short of stature, but would otherwise be “normal.”

With news like that it became a very difficult time emotionally for our family. However, we are blessed with amazing family and friends who prayed very hard for the safety and well being of our Itty Bitty (as Allison called the baby)

I was feeling horrible on the morning of the 14th and I posted an update to Facebook “has had some emotionally trying couple of days. Would like to thank Mr and Mrs Neil and MoTarpey for their support and friendship. Playing this one close to the vest for a while peeps, sorry.” I couldn’t say much about this at the time wanted to keep everything quiet until we knew more. I was emotionally charged with doubt and worry and fear. I needed to get something out there as blogging is my release and I have made so many fantastic friends doing this. So my theme song became “If You’re Going Through Hell…Keep on Going” by Rodney Atkins. That made me feel better and helped me turn around my mood.

On September 15 we went to the specialist and went through with an amnio. This was a very scary moment for us the waiting, speculating and wondering. Fear set in for all of us. You know that point where your mind starts to worry about all the possibilities and then don’t even get started about looking at information online, that really got use going crazy. So we waited for the results from the quick test.

On September 18 we heard the quick test results from the doctor. He told us that the results of the quick test show that the baby does not have Turner’s syndrome, Trisomy13, Trisomy18 or Trisomy21 (Down Syndrome). However, they are still very concerned about the size of the cystic hygroma and feel that it means that this pregnancy is not compatible with life.

We now had to wait another 10 days to get the full analysis of the baby’s DNA analysis. So on September 29 we spoke with the doctor again and the fully chromosomal analysis shows that the baby is chromosomally normal. That was a great relief to us and we began to start to feel excited about this pregnancy. However, the fact that a cystic hygroma exists at all was of great concern to the doctor. So, we were still not entirely out of the woods. Our next ultrasound was scheduled on 10/9 and we would see how things look then. We remained cautiously optimistic.

This brings us today. This morning we had our ultrasound and unfortunately received bad news; the baby no longer has a heartbeat.

I was there this time and I actually feel lucky to be there to share that moment of tragedy with Allison. It know that sounds really weird but if I was not there I would not have been able to forgive myself.

We are devastated by this news, but are trying to be comforted by the thought that this is obviously what is best for the baby and our family. We just have to put our faith in God that there is a reason that our family is going through this experience.

We cannot begin to express how grateful we are for the support of our wonderful friends during this exceptionally difficult time. Your prayers and thoughts have supported us through the past four weeks and we know they will continue to carry us through the coming weeks.

With love,
Drew and Allison

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43 Responses to “God’s Promise”

  1. Leane says:

    If He has a plan it is known only to Him and only time will reveal it to you. You are the rock for your wife and together you will make it through. Know there are many people (that you may never even meet) in the world hoping for the best for your family. Best wishes to both of you.
    .-= Look at what Leane wrote blog ..Happy Fall to you all! =-.

  2. Kevin Ferrasci OMalley says:

    So very sorry to learn of your loss. Thank you for sharing and I admire the courage that it took to write this post.

    I couldn’t help but notice and reflect on your photo of a day #1644

    The word family, the Light, and the love resonate from that photo …. I’m sure you already know this, but they are three big blessings.

    My prayer for you is that in this time of sorrow those three blessings may provide you comfort as you travel a healing path.

    May Peace be with you and your family

    “When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or You will be taught to fly.”Patrick Overton

    • Drew says:

      Kevin,
      Great observations on the photo from today. As I was trying to find a photo for today I walked by this photo and saw the way the light landed on Eva in the photo. The quote you left is beautiful, thank you for taking the time to leave us a comment.

  3. Quilly says:

    My heart and prayers are with you and your family.

  4. Christine says:

    Drew & Allison, I am so terribly, terribly sorry for your loss. I don’t know what else to say, except that my thought are with you.
    .-= Look at what Christine wrote blog ..Not happy, and other stuph =-.

  5. Jennifer says:

    Drew and Allison, I am so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers will continue to be with you and your family as you heal. Know that I am and always will be here for you if you ever need anything! Love you guys!
    .-= Look at what Jennifer wrote blog ..Butterfly Junction | Multiplication Card Set | Review =-.

  6. Karen Medlin says:

    I never felt so much sorrow for a someone I never met. I am truly saddened for you and your family. Please know you are not alone. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    • Drew says:

      Karen,
      Thank you for expressing your feelings about our situation, your comment was well appreciated. Thank you also for the thoughts and prayers.

  7. lenny says:

    I like to believe also that a higher power sometimes chooses for us , when the decisions to be made are life altering difficult.
    Living so close to you and watching Allison and you as such amazing parents makes me very sad for your loss,but I believe that same higher power wants you to have a large healthy family and from tragedy will grow a stronger faith that this will happen.

    • Drew says:

      Lenny,
      Thank you. Your kindness and friendship have been very important to us. We appreciate the thoughts and sentiments.

  8. Baba says:

    So sorry to hear of your loss. Your courage in sharing this pain with others may somehow help someone else get through the exact pain as well. We don’t always see God’s plan for us, but know it is perfect. My prayers are with you all.
    .-= Look at what Baba wrote blog ..Welcome to FeedBurner =-.

    • Drew says:

      Baba,
      The main reason I said anything was to get the thoughts and feelings out there and let people know what we were going through. The other reason was so that if there were any dad’s out there feeling the same sense of despair and sadness over such a loss maybe they might feel comfortable talking about it. If not to others but to their own families.

  9. Alli says:

    While I will admit to thinking something along these lines back when you posted the status on facebook, I had no idea the horribleness of the rollercoaster you were on. I am so sorry and offer my prayers and sympathy.

    As someone who knows the loss of life within me so well, I want Allison to know she has sisters who have been through this before and I would be happy to chat or email her, if needed.

    And Drew, I commend you for the obvious love and support you have for your family in you roles as husband and father. You are truly an example of a Godly man.
    .-= Look at what Alli wrote blog ..A random encounter =-.

    • Drew says:

      Alli,
      Thank you for the prayers and thoughts. I find that your courage to talk about your loss also gives others courage to talk about this. I hope that maybe by saying something can help other men and women going through the same thing.

  10. Adrienne says:

    I don’t know exactly what to say, but wanted you to know that we’ve been thinking of your family every day since we found out about your situation. Your family is amazing, and I hope this struggle makes you stronger and tighter than ever before as you forge ahead. Kiss that little Eva and love her for the miracle that she is.

    • Drew says:

      Adrienne,
      Thank you. We value your friendship and support. Thank you for the thoughts for us. We appreciate that very much.

  11. Karen says:

    I am so sorry Drew. What a horrible ordeal you and Allison have been through. You are so good to have each other to lean on.

  12. Shaun & Morgan says:

    Drew and Allison,
    Shaun and I have you in our prayers, we love you both and are so sorry for your loss.
    The Williams

  13. Kathy says:

    Drew & Allison,

    We are so sorry for your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.

    Kathy & Jim Puleo

  14. Brandy says:

    My heart is with you, Allison and Drew, during this time of sorrow. I hope that you find the love and strength in each other to make it through this situation. I can only imagine what this must be like. Just wanted to let you know I admire your strength and Faith. Sending a big hug to you and your family!
    .-= Look at what Brandy wrote blog ..Vote For My Kids Please: Gap Casting Call =-.

  15. Maggie Savickas says:

    Drew and Allison,

    I check in on the blog every once in a while and just came across this. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I know you have a great support network of family and friends, but if either of you ever need to talk, cry, laugh, or just get your mind off of things for a few hours, please give me a call or drop me a line.

    I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

    With love,
    Maggie

    • Drew says:

      Maggie 6,
      Thanks very much for your thoughts and prayers as well as an offer for a call. We will remember that because a laugh is something hat we enjoy very much. Maybe you can be part of our tweetfest during shows like the office and Lost. Mo does it and we have a great time laughing at the comments. I hope that all is well with you and I thank you for your heartfelt comment.

  16. Tracye says:

    Drew,

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve been there, and it hurts. It surpised me how much it hurt.

    I’ve also been through many scares, both for me and the babies, inside and outside the womb. It’s terrifying.

    I know this sounds cliche, but God loves you and your family, and knows what’s best for you all. There’s a reason she was taken, though you probably won’t know why this side of eternity.

    She’s waiting for you in Heaven.

    I remember when we lost our baby, the hardest thing to do was tell my daughter. It was heartwrenching, seeing her pain and grief over losing a baby brother or sister she never got to meet.

    I’ll be thinking and praying for you and your family.

    • Drew says:

      Tracye,
      Thank you so much for sharing your loss with us. Eva did have some inkling that she was to be a big sister however I think that she may be still too young to quite understand that. For that I thank God. I know that at some point she may notice that no baby has arrived. She may ask about the baby or she may be distracted by all her birthday toys, who knows. When she mentions it we will talk to her. That will be very hard.

      I appreciate your comment and strength to share with us. Thank you very much.

  17. Jenn says:

    Drew, I don’t think there are any “right” words to say, so I will just say that I am sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you and Allison, and you are both in my thoughts and prayers.
    .-= Look at what Jenn wrote blog ..Cheesecake-Marbled Brownies =-.

    • Drew says:

      Jenn,
      I always feel that way in the face of someone else’s pain. Just knowing that you are praying for us is comfort enough, thank you.

  18. Becky says:

    My heart goes out to you and Allison. You know how I feel about the two of you – you’re absolutely amazing together and you’ll get through this. Focus on the love you share and that absolutely adorable Eva and know that your friends and family love you too. Keeping you in my prayers… Take Care.

    • Drew says:

      Becky,
      Thank you very much for your message. We are so blessed to have friends who support and love us. Thank you for your prayers we certainly appreciate them.

  19. Praying in GA is all I can say. I am proud to know that your FAITH is strong, so I know that you are in good hand. God has a plan and it is never harder than when HIS plan is not OUR plan. KNOW that I am praying for Allison, you and your families. I am honored to call you friend. HUGS to all.
    .-= Look at what Meredith craftyGAgal Crosby wrote blog ..Best Part About Attending IZEAfest 09 =-.

  20. […] me out again today because he knew what a tough day we would have. I was tempted but with writing God’s Promise a few days ago I knew I had to write today’s post, if not for me then for all those […]

  21. I am very sorry about all that you’ve been through. From when I first read your post on Facebook I knew it was serious. I am keeping you and Allison in my thoughts and prayers. Take the time to heal as this is a real loss. Shawn and I have been through something similar. Please know that we care and are here for you if you need to talk.
    .-= Look at what ConnieFoggles wrote blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Wedding Cake =-.

    • Drew says:

      Connie,
      You are the sweetest, I thank you very much for the thoughts and prayers they mean a lot to us. They really do.

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