I’m really trying to keep it together in this photo from today. I had just found out, after taking a 4 hour grueling Krav Maga test, that I was not moving on to test for my black belt in December. This is something that I thought was a possibility in the back of my mind as I have been training. Now that it is a reality I have many emotions about it. Failure, sadness, anger at myself for not performing as best I can, relief, acceptance, doubt, resolve and determination to come back in the Spring and crush the tests.
After the test and doing the run (9:48), push ups (59), Squats (89) and Plank (a dismal 1:02) I was asked to come to gather my things and come to the pro shop. There were five of us there. Our instructor, Mr. B. told us that would be part of the Spring boot camp group to test for our black belt. Something that he told us was, Delay is not Denial. This means that just because we were not earning our black belts this time around doesn’t mean that we will never earn them. We each have things to work on and given the time and training we will get to the level that is expected of a black belt.
I had so many tough emotions today after that reality. When I got home I broke the news to the family. I got extremely choked up about it. I also knew that how I handled this setback was going to be a lesson not only for me but for my kids. Both kids are in Martial Arts as well and they have to know that failure is not the end. Falling down means getting back up and success means getting back up one more time than you fall. So, in April when I start Boot Camp again they will see me earn that black belt.